If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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