Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize