I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
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and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
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Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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