dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize