Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize