You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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