Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
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