everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize