Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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