I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
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It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
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Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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