Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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