you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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