I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
jump out the window naked night went bad
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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