I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Randomize