she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
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Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
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Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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