somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
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He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
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Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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