i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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