you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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