She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
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We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
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THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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