so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
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Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
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Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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