i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
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I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
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he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
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