It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize