ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
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I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
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just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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