just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
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Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
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Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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