My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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