When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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