Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
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He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
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I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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