im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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