The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
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where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
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Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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