He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
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Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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