Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize