dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
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She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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