i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Randomize
