walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
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oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
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We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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