What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
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you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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