What did we do last night that was yellow?
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize