I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
well I can't set my house on fire every night
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize