you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
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Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
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Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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