I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
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