Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
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She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
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I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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