Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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