The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize