I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
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Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
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I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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