and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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