The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
