Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
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We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
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my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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