remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
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