the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
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