Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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