You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Randomize