literally had 100 drinks last night.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
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I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
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But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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